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This is a substantially revised version of an unpublished poem that one or two readers of this blog might have seen or have heard at a reading. I’ll leave it here for comment for a few days before removing it.

[poem deleted]

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rob permalink
    23/11/2007 12:48

    Quite good, I think (although I am not well – virus – so I might be semi-delirious with medicine). Better than what I remember of this poem, so it’s maybe been revised even since I read it?

    This bit:

    even the cough of dust
    shuffling down a blade of sun,

    that repeated “… of …” structure – I don’t know. How about “shuffling down a sunblade”?

  2. Andrew Philip permalink
    24/11/2007 11:09

    Thanks, Rob. Yes, it has been revised significantly since you read it.

    I’ll leave it up a little longer; maybe until Monday.

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